


Death is Only a Chapter (So Let's Rip Out the Pages of Yesterday)

by orphan_account



Series: 2nd POV Drabbles [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Based off of Suicide Season by BMTH I do not own, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Sadness everywhere wooo, Someone crushes a glass shard with their bare hand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 12:23:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4100800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Summary:</b> Person A dies and Person B wastes away<br/>-<br/>The ticking of the clock reverberates through your ears, slowly passing as you sit next to his bed. It’s going too fast and his breathing is going too slow. He grabs your hand and clutches at it, but you don’t notice it. You’re too busy staring at the hands of the clock, watching as they move at the speed of light.</p><p>He tightens his grip and you look at him, seeing the way his chest rises and falls, rises and falls, rises and falls. You want it to go faster, you want to grab his lungs and scream at them to do their job, but it’s too late for that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death is Only a Chapter (So Let's Rip Out the Pages of Yesterday)

**Author's Note:**

> hi wyail will be uploaded on the weekends. in the meantime you can cry over this. it is based on the song suicide season by bmth which you can find [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLkgO3N6blM)
> 
> also tell me whose pov you imagined this to be in ^^

The ticking of the clock reverberates through your ears, slowly passing as you sit next to his bed. It’s going too fast and his breathing is going too slow. He grabs your hand and clutches at it, but you don’t notice it. You’re too busy staring at the hands of the clock, watching as they move at the speed of light.

He tightens his grip and you look at him, seeing the way his chest rises and falls, rises and falls, rises and falls. You want it to go faster, you want to grab his lungs and scream at them to do their job, but it’s too late for that.

He chokes out your name and it sounds foreign in your ears. He used to say it like you were the best thing in the world but now you can only hear pain and want. His eyes are filled with tears, some of them trailing down his cheeks and you want to kiss him and tell him it’s okay, but you don’t. You don’t because it’s not okay, he’s not okay and you’re not going to be okay.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I wish we’d have more time. I love you.”  

Before you can answer him his hand falls from yours and the only sound filling your head is the constant beeping coming from the monitor.

 

* * *

 

You stare at the window, the light shining through it vibrant and moving. You know cars are driving past the apartment just like they were when he was still with you, but you can’t hear them. The only thing you can hear are the clocks. There are thousands of them in your head, reminding you that you live and he doesn’t.

You have long since given up your phone, the dates on it are just passing and they are useless because he’s not with you anymore.

And you didn’t even get to say goodbye.

 

* * *

 

When Carrie calls the landline of your apartment, you don’t pick up. You don’t want to see them, none of them compare to him anyway. You just forgot he was the one who told people to leave a message and when you hear his voice, you think he’s back. You get up from the sofa and run to the door.

His voice stops and Carrie starts talking and you cry for the first time since he left you.

 

* * *

 

“Please come with me,” Carrie begs you, but you don’t move a muscle. You stay on the sofa, staring at the window. “We can go to Starbucks. Please, just say something.”

You don’t look at her when she breaks down, her whimpers resonating through your ears. They sound too much like his when he left. She grabs your shoulders and shakes them, her tears soaking your trousers. You keep staring past her, the lights behind the window still moving. The ticking increases and it’s driving you mental.

She begs you to eat, because she knows you haven’t but you don’t listen. Why would you eat without him? She just keeps going and going and you want her to leave because if she can’t bring him back she’s useless.

“Get over him! Don’t let his death kill you as well!” she shouts. “I can’t lose you too.”

That’s when you’ve had enough. She doesn’t know anything. She doesn’t know you can’t live without him, because you don’t know how to breathe without whispering his name. You snarl at her, pushing her off of you and walking towards the wall. You grab the clock and throw it on the floor, because you just want the goddamn ticking to stop.

She finally stops shouting and looks at the mess of glass and wires on the floor and you smile to yourself. Maybe now she will leave. You go to grab your phone, because you want to destroy everything. You want to ruin everything that reminds you of him, you want to wreck everything just to stop the infernal ticking in your head.

When you have your phone in your hand you take one last glance at it and raise your arm, but she grabs onto you for dear life, begging you not to do this. You growl at her, glaring her down and hoping she will back off because you need this, but she doesn’t. She grabs your arm, her tears dropping onto it, and keeps muttering pleas, but you just want to be let go, so you turn around and punch her.

She doesn’t come back after that.

 

* * *

 

When PJ comes around he hits you, shouting that you’re a selfish prick and that he wouldn’t have wanted you to be like this.

You break his ribs for that comment and he’s in the hospital for two weeks.

 

* * *

 

No one comes to your apartment after that. They don’t want anything to do with you anymore and you like it. They aren’t worth anything without him by your side.

 

* * *

 

You stare at the broken clocks. The hands aren’t turning anymore, you made sure of that. Time is irrelevant without him. Back when time was significant you were making plans with him. You wanted to adopt two kids, name one Winston and the other Delia and you wanted a dog.

You rise from the sofa going over to the shards of glass and grabbing one. You stare at it and then you crush it between your hands, ignoring the pain shooting through your arm and the blood dripping from your fingers.

Maybe if you crush everything this will stop.

 

* * *

 

Your stomach rumbles and your throat hurts. You know look horrible, but you don’t care. Your appearance doesn’t matter when he’s not here.

You know you’re wasting away, staring at the window and the light. Death is the horizon, shining through it and you want to reach out and touch it, you want it to take you away, to bring you to him. If you don’t sleep maybe you’ll join him.

The ground is uncomfortable and covered in glass, but you don’t care. You lie down and close your eyes.

When they find you a week later, you don’t open them anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hi yes so tell me what you think please ^^ i love you all <33
> 
> the credit for the kids’ names goes to the amazing [phantheraglama](http://phantheraglama.tumblr.com) <3
> 
> this was also post on my [tumblr](http://ninchuser.tumblr.com)


End file.
